Pas bien

How are we going to smoke all this weed in 18 hours?

Sent from my iPhone

this isn't going to end well

im too fucked up on vicodin to deal with a psycho army dude with PTSD, im like the last person they shoulda called to escort him out of work

squirrels

she is in a park high claiming 5 squirrels are plotting her death

9:55

guess who is gonna have a good day at work today? hint: the guy that brought some vicodins with him....

4:30

does parkside deliver?

11:31

there is no way i can be at this job for 9 hrs a day and be sober

10:18

I'm pretty sure that if we started taunting it, it would no longer be harmless

Bananas

Sometimes using a banana isn't that bad. It's when you take the skin off that things become challenging.

old man

I have too much meat in my mouth!

10:28

how much longer do you have to live (when is your road trip?)

9:51 AM

My tailbone hurts like fuck. Was I raped?

The pain is above the took-hole and just left of the crack.

Is it possible I just wiped really hard?

4:23 pm

what exactly is casual pedophilia?

4:18 pm

you smell like anal cheese

work shit

this work shit is getting in the way of my life

11:02

fucking smirnoff trammies and xanies....having an awesome night on facebook

3:26

I hate brian davis.

Im eating chips slowly to entertain myself :(

We almost just died. Get your hand off of my crotch.

[6/15/10 11:19:32 AM]

I smell like fat lesbian dog

11:12 AM

...turns out an obese woman with a butt plug can still do you some good.

4:27

I gotta come up and see this fat asian fuckery

3:17

who ever made this deserves hookers. sexy ones.

11:16 AM

I found out my cat was a boy today.

841am

and yes....we were chasing deer thru downtown mill valley in heels.

Just took a giant bong rip while my folks were in the next room

12:39

yes, call me noah. take chick in pairs.

1149

I might barf doing a whiskey shot and riding my bike that early, but I'm game

12:58pm

shes everything ive always wanted in a vagina