3:18

I hate it when I clean out my car and realize my shitbag friend left little bags of weed and coke under the seat.

2:46

let's go to parkside and stick each others fingers up each others butts and play human centipede

2:46

I hate it when you drop cocaine on the floor - but you can't tell what's cat liter or coke.. but you snort it anyway

1:06

I want to watch cat porn, take a nap, and throw dildos at people walking out of the nearest republican headquarters

floaties

Im gonna start wearing floaties when I go bar hopping, every time lately I black out and decide to go swimming in the ocean. This is getting scary.

6:38

it's going to be a fun day!
yes it is, I'm not going to wear any underwear.

11:03

I can't listen to whale farting music right now.

3:23

You're a fucking twit wank.

3:22

why don't you eat a bag of cat penis'?

2:20

i'm never drinking with u again

4:08

kill them before they reproduce

2:48

that monster shit knocked me off kilter

1:44

...and I was thinking to myself.. I really want to rip your head off and shit down your throat right now.

broken bone

yea i think its broken but ill live, it not something that lots of vodka and vicodin cant fix...

4:10

WWBMD

4:09

when work gets overwhelming remember that your going to die